Tuesday, January 14, 2014

The Fastest Un-Qualified Runner Pohnpei Ever Saw

It's funny how life changes pretty quickly.  That's also what makes it fun, and sometimes that's what makes it suck.  Pretty badly.

About a month ago, I competed in the December 14th track meet in Madelonihmw.  Much to my amazement I turned out to be the fastest 1500m Pohnpei has to offer, and I was told that I could represent Team Pohnpei for the Microgames coming in July 2014.  Ironic that a white man wins the Pohnpei track meet to move on to go to the Micronesian Olympics?  I'd say.  Almost sounds like the plot to a bad "good-feeling" movie.  Sometimes I like to think I'm the star of a really bad/corny t.v. series, and this was going to be a good episode.

So I trained.  I trained hard.  I mean, wouldn't you if you had a spot to defend?  The #1 spot!?  I'd never been #1 before at anything.  I'd say the last time I won first place was in high school for like "Best Calculus Student" or some nerdy thing like that.  So the realization of being the best runner was pretty cool.  Novelty is exciting.  I used this excitement to train.  I tried to run every day about three miles and do other sorts of calisthenics.  I probably am at the best shape of my life right now.  I trained not just to represent Team Pohnpei,  but I trained to hopefully win the Microgames.

Time to blow the ego right out the window.

December 29th.  A tragic day.  I was playing soccer and I majestically tripped on the ball and smashed my face into the dirt.  Yes, it was graceful.  What also happened is I managed to really bugger up my right leg pretty well.  It might require an MRI.  It has sucked.  Big.  Salty.  Chocolatey.  Balls.  

 January 11th.  A shitty day.  I got a very upsetting Facebook message stating that maybe I couldn't join the Microgames in July 2014.  Before, I was told that I could join as long as I had been in country two years before the games.  By July 2014 that would have been the case, but this message said that the Director of the Microgames had heard about my story and had wanted to clear up the air.

Still, I didn't know what to believe.  So I went to the Microgames office today to figure it all out.  I met with the man who had told me about the two year requirement.  He reaffirmed that the Microgames committee had decided on a two year requirement to participate. I told him about the Facebook message from the Director, but he said that the Microgames committee has no specific rule on the stay requirement to participate.  I asked him if there was a handbook that I could read to see the rules for the Microgames.  He said there was no handbook.

Of course, there was a handbook.

I still needed a definite result, and I needed to talk to the guy who told me I couldn't join.  So I called him.  We had a very brief chat today.  I actually talked to him and the man who told me the two year policy.  The Director said that it's actually five or seven years in the policy handbook.  Of course, there was a handbook.  But what are rules anyway but pieces of gibberish strung together to restrict people's doings, right?  Rules.  Damn rules.

After the phone call I was pretty torn up.  Still, I was/am on the track team, just downgraded a bit.  Kind of like a waterboy with no cooler.  Oh, or like a towelboy with only sandpaper sheets!  Whichever analogy you choose, I am boned and banned from running.  The two year man apologized to me today at track practice.  I mean, leading someone on for a month is kind of a shitty offense.  But no worries.

Apology accepted.

So that's it.  My dream to win the Olympics is dead, my leg is screwed up, and this can of coke (my personal beer) is getting empty.  Time for another round to celebrate the tale of the Fastest Un-Qualified Runner in Pohnpei.



  1. salud indeed lol devastatingly awesome though

  2. Now that is a diss! Their loss! . Gosh darn it!! Well now you have more time to write that New York Times Bestseller you've been working on! There There.. go have a few beers and get chubby!

  3. I enjoyed reading your blogs. When you mention you were trying out for the micro games i knew this issue would come up. One of my ex-pat friend tried out for the 2014 microgames but was disqualified because he has not been residing for at least 2 years.